I am overwhelmed so much of the time.  I wish my ability to write / process my feelings could keep up with my feelings.  They are such a mystery to me in the thick of things.  Left unprocessed for too long, they wreak havoc on my ability to function.  My memory is particularly compromised.  I have to write or I can't function.  It's a survival tool, not something I can neglect, and not something I particularly like to do.  If my functionality wasn't compromised I don't know if I'd really pick up a pen.  Fuck the people who romanticize tortured writing as a craft.  Reliving pain is not enjoyable and there's nothing romantic about it.