you know if the situation were flipped with sex trafficking gender-wise, the Janes would be peddling males that were pre-groomed to be emotionally intelligent.  but it would fail as an industry because what the customers really want is something lasting and real, in the realm of emotions, which are unseen.  And that ability to recognize that unseen things are more real and substantive and powerful than physical things, now that's intellectual evolution. 

Ooo!  make philosoraptor shirt that says "why do men talk?"

I don't have any willpower left after a draining childhood with chronic emotional manipulation full of harassment, coercion and belittling to exert any energy on coddling a man into maturity. 

the only ones that bother are players because the normal ones are cowards.

http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2016/04/why-do-we-give-robots-female-names-because-we-dont-want-consider-their

sometimes 'realists' are just pessimists with a superiority complex.

call out culture is a thing now because for so long our culture has been apathetic.  call out culture is the alternative to going postal in the face of shitstains that won't be reigned in by anyone or their (lacking) sense of accountability or personal development.  It's creating a village code for what is acceptable and what isn't where institutions of justice have failed or become simply rendered useless by bureaucracy and expense.  yes, it indicates a breakdown in social trust often assuming that people aren't listening or don't care - only because that is often the case.  Call out culture makes the default that trust should be earned and trust matters.  Not just one's intelligence or ability to make a profit.

go away you are irrelevant!

BRAVE YOURSELVES: I HAVE SOME OPINIONS TODAY.

associated traits in men:

passion - flakiness
cleverness - douchebaggery
kindness - cluelessness

I just *have* to take the more painful uncomfortable option don't I.

Don't be around people who deny your credibility but don't be around people who inflate your worth either.

http://nofilmschool.com/2016/04/paradox-choice-how-limitations-can-help-you-make-best-film

Biggest benefit of privilege is people trying to coddle you into some really hard truths about your privilege rather than being straight up.  People fear truth-rejection bc they know you won't personal development your way into it, but they still need you as an ally to change the shitty behavior of your privileged group.

https://49.media.tumblr.com/4c345fe90d6c317ca0411bfe57c4163c/tumblr_o4ak202hBa1ufbwoco1_400.gif

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/12/why-some-people-respond-to-stress-by-falling-asleep/282422/?utm_source=SFFB

I'm more interested in accountability than honor.

Insufferable science supremacists.

I don't generate all my willpower for it to be sucked out by unreasonable people.

Two stories about flakes and people who live in bubbles.

First, regarding flakes, take exhibit A: chick who was supposed to do a thing didn't do the thing after much talking about doing the thing. Luckily, I handled it bc I sensed she wasn't going to do the thing. She texts me afterwards "Hey Darling! blah blah blah what a cool thing blah blah". I thought, damn right, darling, now get away from me. But responded politely to maintain the relationship. Do flakes really not know people don't notice? Or do they think manners equal stupidity? Really.

Exhibit B: the flake who thinks he's your friend after not taking responsibility for lame behavior. Msg years after dismissing major concerns you brought up: "Hi Sarah!" ... Why TF do you think this interaction warrants an "!" Again, do I need to rudely reiterate points past, or do you assume I don't notice the dodging, and think, again, because I have manners, I'm an idiot? Ignore.

Second, I've gained some life skills with people who live in bubbles. Once upon a time, when people who live in bubbles would make ignorant assertions, I would feel upset and want to explain and teach and make them aware of the bigger picture, the limits of their own experiences, or just peace out if it wasn't worth the energy but still feel drained. My biggest hang up was their denial of my experiences - whether as a woman among male friends, poc among white friends, muslim among non-muslim friends, liberal arts among science background friends, less moneyed among moneyed friends, shrewd person among power-oblivious friends etc.

But then I started posing a question to friends who know certain experiences to be true - 'what would you do if male friend who said x experiences were just isolated to you and not common among women, that you were exaggerating or making a big deal out of nothing?' And I'd get responses like "I would be flipping tables like omg". Of course she would. Because even as a woman her whole life with women friends and four years of education at a women's college, somehow some dude thinks he's the bigger expert on women's experiences. In my experience with such dudes I've wracked my brain trying to justify my credibility. WHY DID I DO THAT.

Or I'd pose questions among friends who have experience with emotionally manipulative behavior like "what would you think of a friend who excuses someone who exhibits xyz behaviors (clearly fishing for weaknesses for a power play) is just making conversation?" And they'd answer "oh that person sounds like a prime target for an emotional vampire (because they are unaware of manipulation)". Bingo! In my experience with friends who don't get that manipulation exists, I've second guessed myself and wondered if I was paranoid. Only when I'm around people who have actual experience with such things do they understand. WHY again, do I give people who lack experience equal credibility to people who do? Why do I feel like I have to justify my experiential knowledge to them to make my case? That is exhausting.

But just posing these questions to experienced friends and hearing the reaction to a scenario where their experience is dismissed was incredibly validating. I'm not crazy. It's not worth the energy to educate people in bubbles who think their theorizing is equal to the weight of people's direct experiences.

So to help mitigate the volume of experience-denial I receive traveling among people in many different bubbles, and to maintain my sanity through inevitable moments of alienation, I started making a list of "intersectional" people that I know. People who don't live in bubbles or are aware of the limitations of their bubble and seek knowledge from representative sources. People that give me a bit of hope because they care about learning from experience-based truth. People who listen and grow. Their existence, I've found, buffers the cycles of alienation with validation. And alienation left unchecked can be incredibly debilitating, who needs that?

My depression is political
http://www.forharriet.com/2016/03/depression-is-political.html?m=1#axzz42zVUI8BD

I went on a, walk in carmel.

“And I knew in my bones that Emily Dickinson wouldn't have written even one poem if she'd had two howling babies, a husband bent on jamming another one into her, a house to run, a garden to tend, three cows to milk, twenty chickens to feed, and four hired hands to cook for. I knew then why they didn't marry. Emily and Jane and Louisa. I knew and it scared me. I also knew what being lonely was and I didn't want to be lonely my whole life. I didn't want to give up on my words. I didn't want to choose one over the other. Mark Twain didn't have to. Charles Dickens didn't.”

― Jennifer Donnelly, A Northern Light

Had two moments with friends coming out of relationships recently in which expressions of support were more appropriate than the truth.

First is a badass female friend going through a divorce who was telling me (or herself, really) that Allah has someone for everyone and the right person will come along as we do our thing. I tried to explain that, sure, maybe, but also that Jane Austen, Zara Hadid, etc were accomplished while childless and single, so that's also possible. Her reaction to that was more of "but there are billions of people in this world so chances are" - at which point I didn't want to crush her hopes by dipping into my bank of misandry to drive home some facts. And who knows maybe she'll get what she wants.

Second is a guy friend who is a genuinely good person, but girlfriend broke up with him bc she needed him to want to do things with her, to initiate those things - basically wanting to be wanted. And the decline that happens after initial romance is what kills it for so many couples to the point of stereotype. women know this is a killer but somehow no matter how many millennia of human existence on this earth this fact has not sunk in for many dudes. It's even the plot of 'crazy stupid love' for goodness sake. women couldn't leave marriages/relationships before recent history without dire consequences so they just stayed miserable, now they don't have to. And I wonder if in his next relationship he'll make a consistent effort to make his partner feel wanted, but I don't know, bc he says things, understandably, like "I want someone to love me for who I am" and "she knew what she was getting, I'm the same person I always was at the beginning and end" (actually no he isn't, he keeps a cleaner apartment and knows how to cook now). And yes, we all want to be loved for who we are, but that doesn't mean we stop growing and becoming better versions of ourselves. A lot of women get into relationships for the potential of what the guy could be (pickings are slim, it just is once you factor out douches, and society encourages a lot of douchebags. for chicks it's a matter of what life skills like emotional communication, domestic problem solving etc does this partner actually have and can that be developed and is it worth the work - bc society for sure has not conditioned most guys to have skills they need from a partner). So I get the sentiment of wanting someone to "love you for who you are" but partners have needs and relationships are work. he deserves a good relationship though, he's one of the good ones. so that's what I said instead of everything else.

and no I'm not setting up first friend with second friend, they are very different people.

Look, even if you conceived your kid in "oops" or "meh" or life checklist it doesn't mean you can't choose to love them and do right by them.

Experience denial is a mortal sin.

Today from my bank of misandry:

Traits that make kings legendary are traits that are common among women (and taken for granted) to the point of eyeroll. The only reason kings get praised for generosity, alliance-building, feasts, caring for people, becoming a patron of the arts etc is because it's rare - among men. These traits are only recognized for their benefit when someone with a penis displays them. Women's contributions, of course, are owed to everyone by virtue of her vagina. Not traits recognized and cultivated, to which credit of character must be given.

And yes, I know, not all men. Spare me the defensiveness and self congratulations for being an exception. Do the damn work of recognizing a system of double standards and the women in your life who go uncredited for things they do that benefit you. Don't think they don't talk amongst themselves and don't know what's what. Which brings me to patience and forgiveness, other traits women cultivate that benefit wannabe-kings without recognition, boosting others at the expense of their own success.

And points for anyone reading this who know I don't actually hate men, just systems of inequality and injustice. I'm not here to write a thesis for you to get the simple idea that people should be treated fairly.

Yes, most men are short-sighted, profit-driven, immediate gratification oriented plebeians.