Why is the gym playing the food network

Age old tradition called numb one pain with another.

Don't confuse fearlessness with a nice bed of security.

Filtering out information that you can't handle is not the same as hiding truths.  People don't have the time to educate you about all the shit you don't know and won't make an effort to learn.  I do not exist to service your personal development and intellectual life and all the drama that goes with it.  If I'm tip toeing around your fragile worldview and ego, it's because you're the problem.  Not because I'm hiding anything.  Don't get it twisted.

I don't trust that people hold themselves accountable, especially if they have been raised coddled.

you know if the situation were flipped with sex trafficking gender-wise, the Janes would be peddling males that were pre-groomed to be emotionally intelligent.  but it would fail as an industry because what the customers really want is something lasting and real, in the realm of emotions, which are unseen.  And that ability to recognize that unseen things are more real and substantive and powerful than physical things, now that's intellectual evolution. 

Ooo!  make philosoraptor shirt that says "why do men talk?"

I don't have any willpower left after a draining childhood with chronic emotional manipulation full of harassment, coercion and belittling to exert any energy on coddling a man into maturity. 

the only ones that bother are players because the normal ones are cowards.

http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2016/04/why-do-we-give-robots-female-names-because-we-dont-want-consider-their

sometimes 'realists' are just pessimists with a superiority complex.

call out culture is a thing now because for so long our culture has been apathetic.  call out culture is the alternative to going postal in the face of shitstains that won't be reigned in by anyone or their (lacking) sense of accountability or personal development.  It's creating a village code for what is acceptable and what isn't where institutions of justice have failed or become simply rendered useless by bureaucracy and expense.  yes, it indicates a breakdown in social trust often assuming that people aren't listening or don't care - only because that is often the case.  Call out culture makes the default that trust should be earned and trust matters.  Not just one's intelligence or ability to make a profit.

go away you are irrelevant!

BRAVE YOURSELVES: I HAVE SOME OPINIONS TODAY.

associated traits in men:

passion - flakiness
cleverness - douchebaggery
kindness - cluelessness

I just *have* to take the more painful uncomfortable option don't I.

Don't be around people who deny your credibility but don't be around people who inflate your worth either.

http://nofilmschool.com/2016/04/paradox-choice-how-limitations-can-help-you-make-best-film

Biggest benefit of privilege is people trying to coddle you into some really hard truths about your privilege rather than being straight up.  People fear truth-rejection bc they know you won't personal development your way into it, but they still need you as an ally to change the shitty behavior of your privileged group.

https://49.media.tumblr.com/4c345fe90d6c317ca0411bfe57c4163c/tumblr_o4ak202hBa1ufbwoco1_400.gif

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/12/why-some-people-respond-to-stress-by-falling-asleep/282422/?utm_source=SFFB

I'm more interested in accountability than honor.

Insufferable science supremacists.

I don't generate all my willpower for it to be sucked out by unreasonable people.

Two stories about flakes and people who live in bubbles.

First, regarding flakes, take exhibit A: chick who was supposed to do a thing didn't do the thing after much talking about doing the thing. Luckily, I handled it bc I sensed she wasn't going to do the thing. She texts me afterwards "Hey Darling! blah blah blah what a cool thing blah blah". I thought, damn right, darling, now get away from me. But responded politely to maintain the relationship. Do flakes really not know people don't notice? Or do they think manners equal stupidity? Really.

Exhibit B: the flake who thinks he's your friend after not taking responsibility for lame behavior. Msg years after dismissing major concerns you brought up: "Hi Sarah!" ... Why TF do you think this interaction warrants an "!" Again, do I need to rudely reiterate points past, or do you assume I don't notice the dodging, and think, again, because I have manners, I'm an idiot? Ignore.

Second, I've gained some life skills with people who live in bubbles. Once upon a time, when people who live in bubbles would make ignorant assertions, I would feel upset and want to explain and teach and make them aware of the bigger picture, the limits of their own experiences, or just peace out if it wasn't worth the energy but still feel drained. My biggest hang up was their denial of my experiences - whether as a woman among male friends, poc among white friends, muslim among non-muslim friends, liberal arts among science background friends, less moneyed among moneyed friends, shrewd person among power-oblivious friends etc.

But then I started posing a question to friends who know certain experiences to be true - 'what would you do if male friend who said x experiences were just isolated to you and not common among women, that you were exaggerating or making a big deal out of nothing?' And I'd get responses like "I would be flipping tables like omg". Of course she would. Because even as a woman her whole life with women friends and four years of education at a women's college, somehow some dude thinks he's the bigger expert on women's experiences. In my experience with such dudes I've wracked my brain trying to justify my credibility. WHY DID I DO THAT.

Or I'd pose questions among friends who have experience with emotionally manipulative behavior like "what would you think of a friend who excuses someone who exhibits xyz behaviors (clearly fishing for weaknesses for a power play) is just making conversation?" And they'd answer "oh that person sounds like a prime target for an emotional vampire (because they are unaware of manipulation)". Bingo! In my experience with friends who don't get that manipulation exists, I've second guessed myself and wondered if I was paranoid. Only when I'm around people who have actual experience with such things do they understand. WHY again, do I give people who lack experience equal credibility to people who do? Why do I feel like I have to justify my experiential knowledge to them to make my case? That is exhausting.

But just posing these questions to experienced friends and hearing the reaction to a scenario where their experience is dismissed was incredibly validating. I'm not crazy. It's not worth the energy to educate people in bubbles who think their theorizing is equal to the weight of people's direct experiences.

So to help mitigate the volume of experience-denial I receive traveling among people in many different bubbles, and to maintain my sanity through inevitable moments of alienation, I started making a list of "intersectional" people that I know. People who don't live in bubbles or are aware of the limitations of their bubble and seek knowledge from representative sources. People that give me a bit of hope because they care about learning from experience-based truth. People who listen and grow. Their existence, I've found, buffers the cycles of alienation with validation. And alienation left unchecked can be incredibly debilitating, who needs that?

My depression is political
http://www.forharriet.com/2016/03/depression-is-political.html?m=1#axzz42zVUI8BD

I went on a, walk in carmel.

“And I knew in my bones that Emily Dickinson wouldn't have written even one poem if she'd had two howling babies, a husband bent on jamming another one into her, a house to run, a garden to tend, three cows to milk, twenty chickens to feed, and four hired hands to cook for. I knew then why they didn't marry. Emily and Jane and Louisa. I knew and it scared me. I also knew what being lonely was and I didn't want to be lonely my whole life. I didn't want to give up on my words. I didn't want to choose one over the other. Mark Twain didn't have to. Charles Dickens didn't.”

― Jennifer Donnelly, A Northern Light

Had two moments with friends coming out of relationships recently in which expressions of support were more appropriate than the truth.

First is a badass female friend going through a divorce who was telling me (or herself, really) that Allah has someone for everyone and the right person will come along as we do our thing. I tried to explain that, sure, maybe, but also that Jane Austen, Zara Hadid, etc were accomplished while childless and single, so that's also possible. Her reaction to that was more of "but there are billions of people in this world so chances are" - at which point I didn't want to crush her hopes by dipping into my bank of misandry to drive home some facts. And who knows maybe she'll get what she wants.

Second is a guy friend who is a genuinely good person, but girlfriend broke up with him bc she needed him to want to do things with her, to initiate those things - basically wanting to be wanted. And the decline that happens after initial romance is what kills it for so many couples to the point of stereotype. women know this is a killer but somehow no matter how many millennia of human existence on this earth this fact has not sunk in for many dudes. It's even the plot of 'crazy stupid love' for goodness sake. women couldn't leave marriages/relationships before recent history without dire consequences so they just stayed miserable, now they don't have to. And I wonder if in his next relationship he'll make a consistent effort to make his partner feel wanted, but I don't know, bc he says things, understandably, like "I want someone to love me for who I am" and "she knew what she was getting, I'm the same person I always was at the beginning and end" (actually no he isn't, he keeps a cleaner apartment and knows how to cook now). And yes, we all want to be loved for who we are, but that doesn't mean we stop growing and becoming better versions of ourselves. A lot of women get into relationships for the potential of what the guy could be (pickings are slim, it just is once you factor out douches, and society encourages a lot of douchebags. for chicks it's a matter of what life skills like emotional communication, domestic problem solving etc does this partner actually have and can that be developed and is it worth the work - bc society for sure has not conditioned most guys to have skills they need from a partner). So I get the sentiment of wanting someone to "love you for who you are" but partners have needs and relationships are work. he deserves a good relationship though, he's one of the good ones. so that's what I said instead of everything else.

and no I'm not setting up first friend with second friend, they are very different people.

Look, even if you conceived your kid in "oops" or "meh" or life checklist it doesn't mean you can't choose to love them and do right by them.

Experience denial is a mortal sin.

Today from my bank of misandry:

Traits that make kings legendary are traits that are common among women (and taken for granted) to the point of eyeroll. The only reason kings get praised for generosity, alliance-building, feasts, caring for people, becoming a patron of the arts etc is because it's rare - among men. These traits are only recognized for their benefit when someone with a penis displays them. Women's contributions, of course, are owed to everyone by virtue of her vagina. Not traits recognized and cultivated, to which credit of character must be given.

And yes, I know, not all men. Spare me the defensiveness and self congratulations for being an exception. Do the damn work of recognizing a system of double standards and the women in your life who go uncredited for things they do that benefit you. Don't think they don't talk amongst themselves and don't know what's what. Which brings me to patience and forgiveness, other traits women cultivate that benefit wannabe-kings without recognition, boosting others at the expense of their own success.

And points for anyone reading this who know I don't actually hate men, just systems of inequality and injustice. I'm not here to write a thesis for you to get the simple idea that people should be treated fairly.

Yes, most men are short-sighted, profit-driven, immediate gratification oriented plebeians.  

Oh, to make an appointment to talk about a moment that just passed is not intimacy.

I haven't written in a while (sadness).

when people aren't there for you when you need them, they cease to be relevant.  except as people who need you.  so be clear to yourself who is charity and who is a friend.

Don't sell your soul to desperation.

enough reserves to put up with all the disengagement and apathy.

LA douchebags, SF techbros, Portland hipsters.

Words.  Stars.  Stampede of destiny.  Chaos in waves between calm seas.  But even a storm is still functional and orderly, just executed with passion.

songs are like loaded guns ready to shoot you in the heart with memories you can't handle right now.

Altair.

Karma - a belief that helps people cope with the fact that there isn't an enforceable law that will give them justice for wrongs done to them.

someday the things we love will betray us.  like knafeh, it will give me diabetes.

^sentiment brought on by "good things taste deceitful" journal entry oct 2014.

Ghost hearts.

If you're going to convince lots of people of the importance of something true but novel, you have to defend every little thing all the time to paint the worldview they're missing. It makes a person only want ppl who get that worldview in personal space, because who wants to be depleted in spaces meant for replenishment.

1. vera farmiga's norma bates
2. jessica jones
3. penny dreadful
4. wednesday addams
5. the girl in the girl walks home alone at night

I'm just as creeped out by a guy who sends me a dic pic as i am with a guy who calls me a 'decent lady of virtue'.  dude has sent me 3 msgs on okc over months, he's being persistent thinking i'm going to be flattered by this 'you're not like those women' misogyny.  keep your pedestal dude, I dont want to be on it.  try speaking to a woman like she's a person.

If I ever have to be served dinner by a bengali housewife that is dead inside - just no.

Thousands of miles away a fool still has the ability to break my heart.

Let Cave Men Be Cave Men.

Witches should have written more history books.

Substanceless romantics and pragmatic icicles.

when you move through the world sworn to secrecy about so many aspects of your life, it gets lonely.

Vincent here walked over to my seat and asked if I eat bacon (didn't think I ordered anything with bacon, said no), explaining the grill is used to cook everything so he'd cook my burrito on foil to prevent cross contamination.  I am floored.  No one's ever gone out of

gone out of their way like that.  This town might be hella white but it's not colorblind it's colorbold.  :D.

Cool, some dudes are nice enough.  They make the cut not being douchebags.  But they only talk about ideas or activism or work.  And when deciding if they are worthy partners with whom to make a life, I have doubts they know how to wash dishes, take out the trash or bring chicken soup for an ill loved one without being told to like a clueless child.  In short, they don't know how to handle adulthood, thinking of adulthood as simply a nuanced grasp of entertaining things or society-level things.  The interpersonal is nonexistent, even though that's the obviously basic starting point.

pepper spray won't protect you from the people you're supposed to be able to trust.  you need cynicism, sense of self and cleverness to do that.

music in the pnw defaults to the postal service.

1) what is the best parking finder app?
2) why when i look up 'bulletproof dress' do I get slinky things that are only supposedly fashionably "bulletproof"? useless. 
3) what is the best cure for the frustration of wanting future inventions to exist now, without investing time and money into making things oneself?

I want the paycheck of a mediocre white man for the same lack of work.

my body and my mind dies when i'm in boston.  my heart dies when i'm in LA.

some muslim artists (NY?)
Leslie Hewitt
Chantelle Truscit- Progress Theatre
Nsenga Knight
Musa Syed 
Bassam Tariq
Omar Mullick
Laylah Amatullah Barayan
The Reminders
G Willow Wilson
Khaleelah Janan Rasheed
Otabenga Jones and Associates
Jamaal Cyrus (I may have misspelt his 1st name but he's big and was an artists in residence at The Studio Museum of Harlem)
Sana Amanat? marvel

U know how ppl from abusive backgrounds tend to fall into abusive relationships?   I wonder if ppl from backgrounds of alienation are drawn to experiences of further alienation.

Sigh.

A friend said, oh he likes you, he wants to work with you.  Is that how it's supposed to go down?   I have to do work for a guy who likes me, so he can like me more?  What about he just grows enough balls to just ask me on a date?  Whatever happened to that?  Why do I have to labor through an entry fee when he's the one interested?  is my time and energy not valuable?   Is this the setup to how everything here on out should go then? (Dude wants something, I do the work to make it happen? ).  No thanks.   Lazy shits.

colorblind white liberals want a cookie for their noncommittal disinterest. i'd rather stick with colorbold anti-oppressive friends who care and do and defend and listen, rather than engage in intellectual masturbation and moralizing about the theory of your problems [that they perpetuate with their denial].

As someone who takes great care to weed out flakes from her life, I'm annoyed at myself when I let a friend slide because of belief in their ability to grow. The cost of being positive is getting screwed over.

why would I explain my problems to people that live on their own planet, have low adaptability and empathetic sense?

Placeholder people.

I miss him.  My lungs hurt.  I don't want to write.

I just want to feel alive in my own body again.

http://wonderlass.com/how-to-work-on-your-creative-business-when-youre-depressed-as-fuck/

It's ok to not fucking know.

I'm really sick, like dizziness and fever and shit.  A primordial instinct wants my mom, or rather the idea of one.  My actual mom would take the opportunity to say things like wouldn't it be easier if I were married and had a man in my life to take care of me.  Any opportunity to push that agenda.  And yet what would really go down in a hetero relationship, as evidenced by my own experiences and most of my female friends married or in long term situations, the woman usually provides nurture and comfort, checking in until the partner is healed (socialized to give a shit).  The dudes in a reversed situation barely notice their partner is sick, or become annoyed at the inconvenient noisy coughing or errands or lack of sex*.  So, no thanks mom, would rather be single and save myself the role of being a burden to a manchild who doesn't know the value of my labor let alone how to reciprocate.

*don't #notallmen me here, if you've been socialized to give a shit, good for you.  Give yourself a cookie and check your bros when they are whiny or negligent with their sick female partners

**sad that I'm conditioned to have to say any of this in response to a natural instinct to seek maternal comfort in times of stress. 

Dreamt that my sister Tania and I were princesses. She wanted to execute me herself with a sword, but when she unsheathed it, the sheath was full of popcorn. So the executioner forced me to drink poison. My gagging filled Tania with regret, and I begged her that when my body died she would let my consciousness share her body. The end.

http://amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist/

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/reverse-oppression-cant-exist/

this post is for the two categories of men. The first tell women to shut up about problems 'here' when it's worse 'over there'. They are usually white men, some of whom coincidentally might have no problem with sexual slurs against women or laughing with rapey buddies or even opting for mail order brides, and especially have no problem when 'women's rights' rhetoric is used as an excuse to go to war. The second tell women that feminism is just another part of capitalist imperialism. They are usually brown dudes who hate imperialism and use that as an excuse to never confront their sexism. Both have no clue that intersectional feminism is onto this game.

http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2016/01/after-cologne-we-cant-let-bigots-steal-feminism

so much of conflict is about perceptions of power or one's lack of it.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/01/08/the-forgotten-way-african-americans-stayed-safe-in-a-racist-america/

you'd think with the success of pop culture films like "the hunger games" in which media narratives play a central role in any outcome, people would have absorbed by now that news is framed to focus debate, or more often, distract from real issues (hey let's yell about shiny light over here so no one talks about how the room is so dark). and yet i still see many people playing into the same framing they are fed by the 'game designers'. at what point is media literacy going to be a thing, cuz i'm tired of breaking this shit down for people who want to drag me into the same old scripts.

how artsy types think commercial things are so unworthy of attention just because they make money, but then have no business sense themselves to make their own work monetarily successful, because they have no sense of compromise or meeting the needs of a market.  i get not liking commercial things, but understand that the marketplace is a thing.  if you don't want to participate, then fine, do your own thing.  but don't expect the rewards of a thing whose workings you don't even respect.

Once chatted with a desi-American mom, computer scientist, whose husband worked in solar energy providing low-cost power for villagers in India. Asked her if her husband had any plans to service Americans who are eager to live off-grid, more cost effectively and sustainably. She said there are major companies that provide solar in the states, I said they cost tens of thousands of dollars and don't really get the demand for off grid living. She said villagers in India need it more (so why bother providing low cost services in the states basically), also implying it was a new fad vanity thing for Americans to go solar.

A bit irked by this interaction. I don't disagree that villagers in India need it and poverty levels are pretty bad. And I admire wanting to help the motherland. But her perceptions were a bit classist and a tad stereotypical of desi Americans. I think her immigrant-to-riches American dream computer scientist bubble makes her unaware of what the rest of America looks like. Have you seen Flint, Michigan? Have you talked to the legal aides trying to help people fight utilities shut offs only to turn them away because their income falls within "middle class" not the federal guideline for poor (which should actually be higher)? Have you considered that the wealth of this country is primarily an illusion based on debt financing and war, and that people who would like to break this cycle for the sake of most people on this planet need to choose a very frugal sustainable lifestyle but the transition is not really feasible given corporate america, zoning laws favoring the rich etc (*see stats on worldwide pollution originating in US)?

I wish I had the verbal and social skill to help folks like her see the big picture. Instead, I sit around annoyed at another formulaic person, doing the standard definition of good, wondering if it's worth the trouble to say anything, because people following a formula (for desi Americans it's "be a scientist, marry engineer, do something good for motherland, get social status"), can't grasp new ideas easily and cling to comfort zones. Then I get annoyed at myself for higher than thou sentiments (who am I to judge her, she might lack perspective in this regard, but maybe she's an awesome person in many ways and i'm by no means a standard). Meh.

At least villagers in India are getting solar power, that's neat.

White people who can't distinguish original content from ethnic folks because ethnic is so original to them.

http://www.medcottage.com/products.php

http://forward.com/opinion/326042/dont-be-surprised-when-activists-connect-israel-to-campus-rape/

http://bust.com/movies/i-am-so-over-the-male-gaze.html

http://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/the-year-of-the-imaginary-college-student

https://medium.com/matter/swipe-right-on-monogamy-189b55568c0c#.ipbiv3x0g

Sometimes I forget the lack of brown people or muslim folk in film & tv because I already feel represented on screen by Wednesday Addams and Jessica Jones. ‪#‎intersectionality‬

Once upon a time I was telling somebody how some folks travel the world but it's as if they've never left their living rooms because of how little their experience with people or worldview grew. i think of the travelers in history, for example, western travelers to the ottoman empire, who when they came back only painted chicks in harems or bathhouses. Like ok, you couldn't go to a library or a forest or a shrine? you travel the world to check out the chicks cuz that's all that's in your mind, and then you go back to your people with all these stories, and that's the lens through which they're seeing another people? So basically, when you're listening to a story or looking at a piece of art, like hello, pay attention to who is the messenger. Because they could be a total shallow idiot. No one's lens is the same, and yes you can tell how someone sees the world and what they'll seek out anywhere by what they do and say on a normal basis, so don't tell me that one narrative is of equal quality to another.