colorblind white liberals want a cookie for their noncommittal disinterest. i'd rather stick with colorbold anti-oppressive friends who care and do and defend and listen, rather than engage in intellectual masturbation and moralizing about the theory of your problems [that they perpetuate with their denial].

As someone who takes great care to weed out flakes from her life, I'm annoyed at myself when I let a friend slide because of belief in their ability to grow. The cost of being positive is getting screwed over.

why would I explain my problems to people that live on their own planet, have low adaptability and empathetic sense?

Placeholder people.

I miss him.  My lungs hurt.  I don't want to write.

I just want to feel alive in my own body again.

http://wonderlass.com/how-to-work-on-your-creative-business-when-youre-depressed-as-fuck/

It's ok to not fucking know.

I'm really sick, like dizziness and fever and shit.  A primordial instinct wants my mom, or rather the idea of one.  My actual mom would take the opportunity to say things like wouldn't it be easier if I were married and had a man in my life to take care of me.  Any opportunity to push that agenda.  And yet what would really go down in a hetero relationship, as evidenced by my own experiences and most of my female friends married or in long term situations, the woman usually provides nurture and comfort, checking in until the partner is healed (socialized to give a shit).  The dudes in a reversed situation barely notice their partner is sick, or become annoyed at the inconvenient noisy coughing or errands or lack of sex*.  So, no thanks mom, would rather be single and save myself the role of being a burden to a manchild who doesn't know the value of my labor let alone how to reciprocate.

*don't #notallmen me here, if you've been socialized to give a shit, good for you.  Give yourself a cookie and check your bros when they are whiny or negligent with their sick female partners

**sad that I'm conditioned to have to say any of this in response to a natural instinct to seek maternal comfort in times of stress. 

Dreamt that my sister Tania and I were princesses. She wanted to execute me herself with a sword, but when she unsheathed it, the sheath was full of popcorn. So the executioner forced me to drink poison. My gagging filled Tania with regret, and I begged her that when my body died she would let my consciousness share her body. The end.

http://amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist/

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/reverse-oppression-cant-exist/

this post is for the two categories of men. The first tell women to shut up about problems 'here' when it's worse 'over there'. They are usually white men, some of whom coincidentally might have no problem with sexual slurs against women or laughing with rapey buddies or even opting for mail order brides, and especially have no problem when 'women's rights' rhetoric is used as an excuse to go to war. The second tell women that feminism is just another part of capitalist imperialism. They are usually brown dudes who hate imperialism and use that as an excuse to never confront their sexism. Both have no clue that intersectional feminism is onto this game.

http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2016/01/after-cologne-we-cant-let-bigots-steal-feminism

so much of conflict is about perceptions of power or one's lack of it.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/01/08/the-forgotten-way-african-americans-stayed-safe-in-a-racist-america/

you'd think with the success of pop culture films like "the hunger games" in which media narratives play a central role in any outcome, people would have absorbed by now that news is framed to focus debate, or more often, distract from real issues (hey let's yell about shiny light over here so no one talks about how the room is so dark). and yet i still see many people playing into the same framing they are fed by the 'game designers'. at what point is media literacy going to be a thing, cuz i'm tired of breaking this shit down for people who want to drag me into the same old scripts.

how artsy types think commercial things are so unworthy of attention just because they make money, but then have no business sense themselves to make their own work monetarily successful, because they have no sense of compromise or meeting the needs of a market.  i get not liking commercial things, but understand that the marketplace is a thing.  if you don't want to participate, then fine, do your own thing.  but don't expect the rewards of a thing whose workings you don't even respect.

Once chatted with a desi-American mom, computer scientist, whose husband worked in solar energy providing low-cost power for villagers in India. Asked her if her husband had any plans to service Americans who are eager to live off-grid, more cost effectively and sustainably. She said there are major companies that provide solar in the states, I said they cost tens of thousands of dollars and don't really get the demand for off grid living. She said villagers in India need it more (so why bother providing low cost services in the states basically), also implying it was a new fad vanity thing for Americans to go solar.

A bit irked by this interaction. I don't disagree that villagers in India need it and poverty levels are pretty bad. And I admire wanting to help the motherland. But her perceptions were a bit classist and a tad stereotypical of desi Americans. I think her immigrant-to-riches American dream computer scientist bubble makes her unaware of what the rest of America looks like. Have you seen Flint, Michigan? Have you talked to the legal aides trying to help people fight utilities shut offs only to turn them away because their income falls within "middle class" not the federal guideline for poor (which should actually be higher)? Have you considered that the wealth of this country is primarily an illusion based on debt financing and war, and that people who would like to break this cycle for the sake of most people on this planet need to choose a very frugal sustainable lifestyle but the transition is not really feasible given corporate america, zoning laws favoring the rich etc (*see stats on worldwide pollution originating in US)?

I wish I had the verbal and social skill to help folks like her see the big picture. Instead, I sit around annoyed at another formulaic person, doing the standard definition of good, wondering if it's worth the trouble to say anything, because people following a formula (for desi Americans it's "be a scientist, marry engineer, do something good for motherland, get social status"), can't grasp new ideas easily and cling to comfort zones. Then I get annoyed at myself for higher than thou sentiments (who am I to judge her, she might lack perspective in this regard, but maybe she's an awesome person in many ways and i'm by no means a standard). Meh.

At least villagers in India are getting solar power, that's neat.

White people who can't distinguish original content from ethnic folks because ethnic is so original to them.

http://www.medcottage.com/products.php

http://forward.com/opinion/326042/dont-be-surprised-when-activists-connect-israel-to-campus-rape/

http://bust.com/movies/i-am-so-over-the-male-gaze.html

http://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/the-year-of-the-imaginary-college-student

https://medium.com/matter/swipe-right-on-monogamy-189b55568c0c#.ipbiv3x0g

Sometimes I forget the lack of brown people or muslim folk in film & tv because I already feel represented on screen by Wednesday Addams and Jessica Jones. ‪#‎intersectionality‬

Once upon a time I was telling somebody how some folks travel the world but it's as if they've never left their living rooms because of how little their experience with people or worldview grew. i think of the travelers in history, for example, western travelers to the ottoman empire, who when they came back only painted chicks in harems or bathhouses. Like ok, you couldn't go to a library or a forest or a shrine? you travel the world to check out the chicks cuz that's all that's in your mind, and then you go back to your people with all these stories, and that's the lens through which they're seeing another people? So basically, when you're listening to a story or looking at a piece of art, like hello, pay attention to who is the messenger. Because they could be a total shallow idiot. No one's lens is the same, and yes you can tell how someone sees the world and what they'll seek out anywhere by what they do and say on a normal basis, so don't tell me that one narrative is of equal quality to another.